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Pacific Connections e-Newsletter August 2008 |
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Saying “I’m sorry”
Lorraine Wood, South Pacific Private founder
 Saying “I’m sorry” is a topical subject at the moment in view of the apology our Prime Minister
recently offered to our Indigenous Peoples. His apology was an historic event in our country and
may help the original owners of our land start healing their grievous wounds.
“I am sorry”. Three little words with immense power – power to
heal a nation and power to heal and energise fractured
relationships. Three little words that can, and have, inspired
people to do all sorts of wonderful and miraculous things. How
hard these three little words can sometimes be to say, especially if
we are shame-based and have a fragile ego.
If we do not say sorry our guilt can gnaw away in our gut causing
discomfort and maybe even illness. Guilt can be a very draining
emotion. Step eight in the twelve steps, “making a list of all
people we have harmed and become willing to make amends
to them all” addresses our guilt. It gives us guidance and
direction in this area of our recovery.
How do we say sorry? A genuine, sincere apology has three
components. They are:
1 I am sorry.
2 It was my fault.
3 What can I do to make amends?
I invite you to sit for a moment and think of how it would feel if
someone who has hurt you spoke the words listed above.
To apologise for something and then carry on with the same
behaviour is abusive and crazy-making. “Well, what are you on
about? I’ve apologised, haven’t I?” This statement is not in the
spirit of a genuine, sincere apology. Often underlying a statement
like that can be rage, which needs to be dealt with first.
“I am sorry but you were late…” With this statement we are not
apologising in a true spirit of generosity as the “but” denigrates all
that went before it.
There is a saying I love which goes like this:
There is a sorrow,
Beyond all grief which leads to joy
And a fragility
Out of whose depths emerges strength.
The giving or receiving of a genuine apology may help us find this
strength – the strength we would otherwise never know we had.
Now let me think ... who do I have to say “I’m sorry” to……?
Until our next issue,
God bless.
Lorraine
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