Few, if any, relationships are perfect. In fact, it might be reasonable to say that as soon as you have more than one person
in a room you’ll eventually find some difference of opinion! Where
these differences start to become problematic involves the addition of
at times intense and destructive patterns of emotion and behaviour.
Such emotions might include rage, intense distress or fear; whilst
destructive behaviours may involve verbal or physical threats and
violence, bullying, control, avoidance or addictive behaviours.
There are as many different types of relationship difficulties as there
are relationships. However, there a several common symptom areas
associated with “relationship difficulties” including:
- communication difficulties,
- power struggles,
- sexual / intimacy concerns,
- blaming and “scape-goating”,
- family and generational conflict, and
- managing being separate versus being together.
Love Addiction
One of the most problematic and destructive relationship difficulties is known as “love addiction”.This difficulty may involve a range of the above emotions and behaviours, yet what binds them is a persistent and intense need for approval and acceptance.
People who struggle with love addiction are characteristically familiar with desperate hopes and seemingly unending fears. Fearing rejection, pain, unfamiliar
experiences, and having little faith in their ability or right to
inspire love, they wait, wish, and hope for the relief and union that
they see as only being found in love.
The individual suffering from love addiction may experience intense
difficulties in being alone, and will therefore compulsively seek
relationships where a high degree of intensity, contact and
“togetherness” is sought. Where they perceive any real or imagined
threat to the relationship, the individual may engage in variety of
behaviours to avoid potential abandonment. These behaviours may involve
a range of often-dramatic gestures of “undying love” or outrage, but
may also include suicidal behaviours and aggressive acting out.
As the sense of terror, confusion and outrage builds following
abandonment, the individual may seek out other potential partners to
provide a sense of protection and safety from the sense of aloneness.
This may involve a range of high-risk behaviours, and lead the
individual to feel depressed, anxious or hopeless in response to these
behaviours.
How do Relationship Issues occur?
Significant research in adult attachment has suggested that individuals learn how to relate through the process of maturation in the first five to eight years of life. How well an individual can manage the highs and lows of a relationship depends in part, on the patterns and experiences of their earliest relationships with significant others. With regard to love addiction, it is speculated that poor attachment and bonding in early care giving such as neglect, deprivation or abandonment may lead to significant impairment in an individual’s ability to bond securely.In adulthood, relationship difficulties may emerge due to pressures and stresses that ignite these particular patterns. These stresses include issues surrounding: money, sex, work, child rearing, family strains, and illness.
With regard to love addiction, the difficulty is viewed as a consistent pattern of behaviours that may become more pronounced under stress – but remains a repetitive style of attaching. For individuals who struggle with this difficulty, many are left wondering how and where they may find a way out of the confusion of their addiction. Often, help is not sought until a crisis has led them to experience depression, despair and loss.
