Simone’s Story

I am a country girl, the granddaughter of a sheep farmer and born in Armidale. My parents were very young when they married at only 19. I was their ‘love child’, and they did truly love each other because they went on and had two more children, my two younger brothers. My father was a very passionate person, I loved him, he was a local government advocate for First Nations peoples’ rights. As a child, we moved around to many country towns, as far west as Walgett. Eventually we moved to the city where my father wanted to study philosophy and social policy at university. Unfortunately, when I was 8-years-old, my parents split. My father had many addictions and this did not serve our family. He was one of five sons and carried much family shame and intergenerational trauma. My mother’s family was broken in many ways as well.

My two younger brothers and I were then raised by my resilient mum, while my father pursued charters for Indigenous people, moving to Mornington Island. Mum worked every day part-time at a law firm. I often was left alone after school to be with my younger brothers. It was an isolated upbringing, living in the city with a hard-working single Mum, two little brothers and no relatives nearby. Neither of my parents were that close to their own families, so we didn’t have any extended family, which meant that from a young age I always had to be the grown-up looking after my little brothers. I learnt very quickly that mentors were very important to me and that’s been a big part of my journey.

For many years my way of getting through things was to try and impress people – I was a people pleaser and a work addict. I had five jobs through university. I wanted to prove myself in my professional world, and that’s what I tried to do. I’ve had a fantastic career and have worked with amazing people. But, in my mid-40s, I hit absolutely rock bottom. I suddenly had to stop running from myself and filling my life with work. I realised that I wasn’t OK.

I wouldn’t describe it as depression, it was more like an ‘overwhelm’. I couldn’t and didn’t feel like I could function. The patterns in my life had suddenly become dysfunctional, including my behaviour and my social relationships. At the time, even as a leader of fourteen staff, I really wasn’t in a good place. I was angry, bitter, resentful. I wasn’t sleeping very well, I was drinking too much and I was just not the human that I really wanted to be.

There were many times that I decided I was going to go to South Pacific Private, but finally I got there. I remember walking in and seeing the sign Expect A Miracle. I still get emotional thinking about the fact that I really did get that miracle! Going into SPP was transformative for me, to have three weeks to actually work on myself and to let go of trauma, let go of resentments and to step forward. I was very fortunate I still had my family, two little boys and a husband, but everything needed a lot of repair. I’d done a lot of damage by being so absorbed with my past.

South Pacific Private allowed me to free myself from my past. It didn’t happen in just three weeks. A lot of the work that I did at SPP took about seven years to work through, but it was certainly the catalyst for me stepping forward; it was the home that held me. I’d never had any experience of support like that before, so it was a magical place of healing. While I was there I made a lifelong friend, who I call my ‘wound mate’, because we were sharing our wounds. The enlightenment that I found there, and what it’s done for me, has been transformative.

The first week I felt like a failure. The second week I felt a little bit special, and by the third week I felt indulgent. Indulgent in the sense that I felt amazed that I’d actually had time to work on myself. I think everybody should have three weeks to work on themselves. I found myself there, which is a pretty strong statement, but I did. I really found myself. I also found compassion – both self-compassion and compassion for others. No baby is born a criminal. No baby. It’s what happens to them that leads them to behave dysfunctionally. I believe if we had more SPPs and everyone could experience the program, we’d have very few people sitting in prison today.

I’m very fortunate to have experienced Australia’s best treatment centre and I wanted to give back. After my first 12 months of recovery and working on myself, I was able to get involved with their advisory committee and I’ve been involved with them now for over a decade. It’s almost like therapy when I go there, because it’s such a heartfelt place, led by real, heart-centred professional people. I knew Lorraine, one of the founders, and today her two daughters lead the hospital. It is such an honour to work with them and to be involved in a way where our opinions and experiences are heard.

The hospital also suggested I get involved in other advocacy work, and now I’ve been on the Lived Experience Australia board for eight years. Through this I’ve learnt a lot and made a lot of good friends, contacts and experiences. Not only has that led down the road of mental health advocacy, but I’ve also set up the Women’s Resilience Centre, which is a place for healing after rehabilitation. It’s a place to help people reset their lives in a practical way, like finding a job. That’s the gift that came out of my time at South Pacific Private. I felt there was a gap where we could provide further services to people coming out of a shelter group or mental health rehabilitation, helping them to step forward, get a job, get back into the community or find other community support programs, including 12-Step, that are right for them.

My world and what I do now are a result of my experience at SPP. My language with my family and the boundaries that I set are different. The joy I feel is because I was able to find self-compassion. I think I’m a much better leader of people now. I’m an Executive Search Recruiter by profession, and it has even affected the way I headhunt. I recruit holistically, and I have compassion for those people who have had personal hurdles to jump during their careers. I didn’t have compassion for that 20 years ago. I thought everyone just needed to keep moving and striving to be successful and effective.

Something I learnt at South Pacific was “child abuse is anything that is less than nurturing”, which is a very good definition because trauma and abuse may be experienced in different forms for everybody. One person’s experience will never be the same as another’s. Thankfully, SPP is available for everybody.

I always say now that trauma is not just about the bad days you lost, but also the good days that you missed. Before SPP I was missing a lot of good days because I was sitting in so much resentment. I’m 57 now and I feel like a happy baby. I feel fit, healthy, curious to learn, energetic and more peaceful. My relationship with my children is really special, and I hope that they will be more aware, sensitive and heartfelt, with good boundaries and healthy language when they get to the stage of being parents themselves. I really believe I have helped to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma and addictions within my family because of the work I did at South Pacific Private.